Kate Solusar’s Holocron

When I first joined Sithism (a now closed website), I remember reading a discussion about humility there that really struck me, because it resonated with my own personal experience.  Like so many people, I came to believe in an inaccurate understanding of the meaning and practice of humility.  I thought it meant downplaying and minimizing my good qualities and my talents so that no one would think I was bragging or that I thought myself too important.  As a female, humility has an added negative connotation of not aspiring to those qualities that society (especially those with a narrow and more traditional view of male/female roles) characterized as male.  Since the person who originated that discussion at Sithism was also female, she wrote about the negative baggage of being taught that kind of humility growing up.  Of course, this view still prevails, and is still reinforced by religion and society in many ways.  I have an alternative view, one that seems to be more in keeping with my understanding of humility as practiced in the Jedi way and tradition.

 Realistically speaking, we are better than some people, and others are better than we are.  Each of us has been gifted by the Force with various talents, abilities, strengths, opportunities and challenges.  Since we are each unique, no one has exactly the same strengths, gifts and talents as another person.  Some of us are very capable physical adepts, who are gifted at tasks of strength and physical prowess.  Others are very knowledgeable, some in diverse subjects, others in a more narrow, specific focus.  Others have great insight and empathy, still others work in the healing professions.  Others are great diplomats and visionaries.  Still others are able to manage skillfully and are great organizers, talented in logistics.  That just scratches the surface.  Some of us have physical limitations, caused by health issues, accident or injury or disability.  Others of us can’t spell or write well, even though we have great ideas and important things to say.  Others of us are limited by lack of experience.  Insecurity, all the related emotions, overattachment — sometimes we deal with these things better than at other times.  The truth is, we all have gifts; we all have limitations of one kind or another.  So then, what does humility have to do with this?  More importantly, what does it have to do with us?

Humility is the ability to see yourself as you actually are.  It requires unflinching self awareness and honesty.  It requires acknowledging, understanding, and coming to terms with all that we are — the good, the great, the bad, the ugly — the light and darkness we each carry inside ourselves and share with others we encounter.  The Code requires Jedi to master themselves, their emotions, to act in knowledge.  This is a life-long task.  One of the aspects of this path that I truly appreciate is that we are rooted in a fictional mythos.  As such, we can pull our fictive kin and brethren’s worldview and experience, whether from the films, games, or novels, apart and liken it to our own experience.  The fictional Jedi were NOT perfect.  Neither are we.  People who have walked this path with me know from my assignments and comments in discussions that I like the example of Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, warts and all.  His faults are similar to my own.  His basic goodness and the ideal he stands for is something I aspire to in my own life.  So, I recognize that I need to be mindful of not truly listening, of not entering into a troubled persons experience by mouthing empty platitudes and sounding all sage and wise.  I need to be open to the positive power of love, to recognize that it is far more important to live the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law.  I also though want to be open, attentive, and a good listener, open to the will of the Force in my life and to serve it as he did.   I also have learned that there is no task beneath me or my dignity, unless I decide it is.  Part of humility to me is about being willing to serve others, and put them before I put myself.  To me, that is really what humility is all about, not debasing myself and hiding my light under a bushel basket.  It is to be true to who I actually am, and still be willing to walk this Jedi way, in love and service.

As many of you might know, I regularly visit other, related sites with a similar theme.  It’s a way for me to keep an ear to the ground so to speak and often times I learn something that helps me in my own study, training and walking this path in my personal life.  Opie Wan MacLeod wrote a brief reflection at his site, Jedi Academy Online, that really gave me pause.  It resonates very much with my own personal experience and understanding since I chose this path publicly almost three years ago.  He wrote about his own view of Master Qui-Gon Jinn’s comment to Anakin Skywalker in The Phantom Menace, “Training to become a Jedi is not an easy task, and even if you succeed, it is a hard life.”  Opie Wan goes on to discuss the truth of this statement in his own life.  I agree with much of what he says, but have an alternate view as well.  I chose to become a Jedi to make my already difficult personal life and circumstances more manageable.  My study, my training, my daily practice of seeking and living in accordance with what I sense the will of the Force is in my day to day and the discipline doing so that has instilled in me has made a great and positive difference and impact not only on my own personal life and outlook, but on all I encounter.   Is it challenging?  Yes.  But it has been so worthwhile.  I have finally been able to name, understand, and actually come to terms with my empathic abilities and all that entails.  I now have a perspective that has enabled me to understand and see where I have used these abilities and skills before and how I use them now.  Most importantly for me, I now have a moral and practical framework and construct to work from and within to channel them appropriately, for the higher good, in love and service to others.

It has been my experience that, at least for me, choosing to be a Jedi is not an either/or experience, but rather a both/and experience.   I am married with a family.  I do not see or experience any conflict with my walking and living the Jedi way and being in such a relationship.  My love for my husband and family is non-possessive.  I love them for who they are and as they are.  My first response at the birth of both of my children was for the grace to love them enough to let them go and grow.  Give them roots, yes, but let them develop and use their wings too.   The practice of nonattachment is a process, a healthy and necessary developmental part of life for all individuals.  And, for certain, the Star Wars saga, particularly the prequels, illustrates the effects of not honoring this basic aspect of sentient development on the Jedi Order in the Old Republic.  However, I cannot imagine that governing my emotions and circumscribing my passion as stated in the Code mean that I not relate to or invest myself fully and openly to the full range of human experience.  Even Master Yoda finally conceded that Force-sensitive children might be better served by growing up with their families, rather than being taken from them at an early age to live at the Jedi Temple (cf. Revenge of the Sith).  It is more about being faithful to our calling as Jedi, as servants of the light and of the Force, by living our best lives, in accordance with our most basic beliefs, in the Code and in the Padawan’s Oath (see Ashla’s academy for the texts) in the circumstances in which we find ourselves.

So what does living this mean for me right now, today?  Well, I have been online much less these days because I have started my own small, part time business.  I clean houses while my children are at school and I do so for a small number of clients who struggle with difficult circumstances, such as disability, or hoarding, or juggling more than one job to make ends meet.   Yes, I am compensated for my work, but I still view it as a service, a way to make a difference, while helping my own family to meet expenses these days.  It’s very hard work and has been physically demanding at times, but it serves to augment my physical training, bringing that part of my practice into more focus and balance.  I have seen the difference in the peace of mind my clients feel as a result of the improved order in their house and lives and the sense that they can put their focus, care and concern in other areas of their lives.   I also read a wonderful article, The Point Within a Circle, by Bruce E. Nevin, in my husband’s Freemasonry magazine, The Trowel, which gave a wonderful lesson in geometry and philosophy about human nature and our interactions within ourselves, between each other, and with our environment.   The article’s main point is that independence is an illusion; it is autonomy, mastery of our personal boundaries, that makes it possible to relate well with others.  The article discusses how to skillfully navigate and understand our differences by choosing to develop a sense of perspective that bridges an either/or mentality, instead of taking sides, which results in polarization, which makes it much more difficult to resolve.  This article resonated very deeply within my heart, mind and spirit in a way that only magnifies my personal call as a walker of the Jedi way to bringing peace and serenity to all I encounter within my sphere of influence.  It is why I have chosen to respectfully sidestep the personal and political conflicts, in our communities online, within my extended family, and particularly all the polarization that is rampant in presidential election politics, that have been endemic in these trying times.  I believe that it is even more imperative that we who walk the Jedi way be the light that others are searching for in these days, and to not contribute to the darkness (of negativity, dissension, difficulty, and doubt) without by adding the darkness we carry within ourselves.  Let us choose to live our best lives, in harmony with our basic beliefs and practices as Jedi, within our current circumstances every day.

May the Force be with us all.