Stormy's Journal

April 11, 2011

Caracol pt 4

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stormy @ 7:47 pm

This post will encompass Feb 7-17. As time goes on, my journal writing gets shorter.:::

Feb 7 2011,

Today Dr. Chase pulled me from my shared excavation of the N.bldg housemound group to work on Str. A1. This is the tall str. that everyone wanted to work on but Dr Chase threw me up there. Im so excited!! A1 has been excavted on the Southside where some very impressive artifacts were recovered from, infact 1 of 2 huge stelae from the entire Maya region was recovered at the burial on the Southside of A1.

Dr. Chase wanted to penetrate the summit of A1 to see if there is another burial & perhaps a cache vessel. I worked with Jaime & Danteo (2 of the locals who have worked with Chase for many many yrs.)

Feb. 8, Tues.

Spent the day drawing some facing walls. Heard some more mortar rounds. God it feels like I’m in a warzone!! frickin surreal! We still havent excavated too deep yet so havent yielded much of anything, not even sherd (which is typical for this type of structure.) Enjoyed our bi-weekly meeting. We each discussed briefly what was going on on our excavation & Dr. Chase would then tell us what is truly going on on our after 10 mins of talk, we’d down our Buenachos & rum & went to dinner. Mmm spaghetti! The meat here tastes so much better than at home! The meatballs are fantastic!!

Me & another skipped the movie & hung out on the Temple. Had a few drinks, talked for hours! We watched the moon & its pattern. The moon seems to move so fast across the sky! but it set right at the center of the peak of Str A2 which is directly across from Wooden lintel. amazing! especially in the company of good people =)

Feb 9

We strted to see some architetural features at A1, things are moving faster, lots to draw! Had some donuts today! fucking awesome! that dough is amazing then she dips it in sugarcane sugar, no processed BS…it literally melts in your mouth!!. krispy cream can kiss my ass! & dunkin donuts can suck it! Washed sherds & lithics in lab, plyed the name game, listen to tunes =)

Feb 10,

Found what Chase believes to be “sacrificial victims” bones today! Some had jade inlayed & hematite filed teeth. The Maya didnt sacrifice just any shmo, usually they were elite status(more worthy.) anyway, we still dont know whats going on with the architecture. It isnt aligning right with direct north like other structures have demonstrated. Same thing in lab. oh the hilarity!

Feb 11,

Its raining today so we worked in lab, cleaning & numbering sherds. Stopped raining so went to A1 & dug down to a floor that ws beneath where the bones were found. Its a nice looking floor too.Still no Cache, it “should” be behind the steps we found but isnt. Rain again so we called it a day.

Here I sit in my hut, writing, contemplating as always. Oh how I wish I could just hit the road when I get back. The thrill, mystery is so sexy! Just live out of my suitcase. Fuck the 9-5 BS of punching a time clock working a pointless job being bitch to a corporation. Life isnt about that, not even close!! I dont want a place to call home, the world is my home. The urge to explore flows through me like a drug. I need it! Im getting it, but i know when i get back it will be the same BS i left before. But my faith tells me that im on the right path now, i know my destiny, & these proctive steps im taking will get me back on the road. Life is bout discovery, not about being bitch to bills, things. We never OWN anything, truly. fuck it then! Get out there, meet people, embrace culture, explore, grow, learn. I long for this life. Fuck the news! fuck gov. BS, evil crorruption, just be free from it all. There is no stress here, not one bit! well, I do admit feeling frustrated emmensely! Honestly I been feeling like a caged rabbit in the springtime! When not in the field, my mind is preoccupied with thoughts of sex. It happens, youre so far from all you know for so long, well…yeah. Im only human! I hve needs, insatible ones. I do hope to see some more Brit soldiars. Hot damn!! ::sigh:: alseep I go, alone & frustrated but my emotional,mental self is feeling amazing!

Feb 12,

Rained again all day (& this is the dry season mind you!) We numbered sherds all day, I did walk up to the store to replenish some junk food (its not the store you would think, its a shake about 12’x15′ & has very limited choices, but they do hve rum so im happy) I did watch the movie tonight “”Mchete” OMG it was horrible! What the hell does Rodriguez & Terrentino smoke? damn! Their movies are odd.

Feb 13,

Another rainy day. I wanted to go to Caana & see the soldiars but NO. it had to rain. All this rain gives me the desire to snuggle. Ah yes, to lay in a mans arms sounds nice about now. Being starved of intimacy is pretty rough. I didnt think i would miss it this much. We watched “Rush Hour” God i love Jackie Chan!! awesome! Finished my wine…got hammered at that movie. Feeling “blah” not cuz of the booz but the rain, puts me in a down mood.

Feb 14,

Worked on A1, didnt do much because the guys were moving large core fill. Still dreary out & my shower was cold. Im afraid to go back home, back to the boring routine =( Its Valentines, I bet everyone is getting laid whie im here in the middle of the jungle, freezing. Some people here are hooking up, its funny, though, Dr. chase knows whats going on & will tease & make comments here & there. Nothing is secret at Caracol, its just like small-town life. I LOVE IT!  Damn wlmart watch! i cnt even set the time! i have to do the math to get the time (its set 1.5 hrs ahead) People have been using othere peopls showerbags so I put ducttape on mine & wrote “Yo momma” on it, so everyone knows my bag. My new perfume is “Ode du mosquito” feels weird not wearing makeup nor perfume…actually its quite nice. h i do miss new romance, when the guy is sweet, thoughtful, comforting..then for some reason that all disappears. meh, im going to sleep

Feb 15,

The men are stil removing large layers of rock. My hormones are under control. I do long for a hug, or kiss though. A good lay would be so bad either! Ah my imagination is running wild! I started another journal for such literature. It does help release frustrations.

Feb 16,

Whsed & numbered sherds & screened fill from lot 9. Had an amazing shower! Man i got to get a custom outdoor shower at my home! awesome! not sure the neighbors would welcome it though. We watched Robinhood, meh, didnt like it. It didnt fit the story. Went to sleep alone again.

Feb 17,

Still digging down to the floor, its about 3m down. Some military chopper flew over us pretty close, i smiled & waved to the boys 😉 Im starting to “Read” people out here now. I can predict peoples behavior. Some people wonder how I do it. its just simple observation. Lab night.

Closer to Nature

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stormy @ 5:51 pm

I can remember while at Caracol that there was this connectedness to nature. I remember taking my daily shower outside in a stall made of wood & tarp. It was very spacious & at first made me self conscious & made me think “can someone see me?” but that feeling went away after a few days.

I remember one time in paticular when I was showering & I looked up at the bright blue sky adorned with a few soft white fluffy clouds moving quickly cross it. A flock of green parrots flew over me followed by a few black & yellow pendulum birds. As i’m observng this, i’m rinsing my body with warm rainwater. Suddenly i realize, sort of like a jolt in my mind, that I’m in the middle of the jungle 100+ miles from civilization, standing among the animals, naked, primitive & it all made sense to me at that moment just how connected with nature i was at that moment. This realization hit me so hard I was almost brought to tears. Sure in the States we can hike in the woods, meditate to try to connect with nature but this feeling was far stronger than that. I was filled with such euphoria at that moment. I wasnt in some fancy shower in a luxury home. Such lies! such illusion! such distraction we live!! That sweet simplicity, that connection I felt with nature far surpassed any luxurious delight our culture could give. This is what its about, this is truth! The truth our culture has long forgotten & continues to turn from. I wish I could convey the feeling but the senses can only describe so much. This feeling was deep & profound, something that hit the very core of my being. Its something only if you experience it, you’ll know what im talking about. I remember wishing at that moment that my loved ones could feel what i was feeling. Its such a surreal, transcending feeling. I only wish I could travel more, I feel it in my blood, this insatiable lust to explore. I truly feel its my destiny. This whole experience has had a deep impact on my character. There are other experiences I enjoyed & will discuss them in future posts…. =)

April 3, 2011

Caracol pt 3

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stormy @ 10:20 pm

Day 3, Feb 3, 2011

It was about a 15 minute hike through the thick jungle brush of narrow trails with steep inclines to our excavation in the housemound groups. These groups are basically what we would equate as the “suburbs.” The people who used to inhabit Caracol were mostly upper middle class to wealthy, so many of the artifacts recovered were predominatly elite class status items.
I’m still learning the process of setting up & execution process of doing an excavation but thankfully Morine is there to help. Morine is an older lady who has a wealth of expertise in the field. Not to mention a wonderful easy going personality which made the learning process much less stressful. She didn’t make you feel like an idiot!

Again the food was amazing! Homemade donuts dipped in sugarcane sugar (not that processed shit you get in the states) & oh my does it melt in your mouth!! After eating, we all hung out & talked about our day & BS’ed about life in general. Then at 7pm we went into lab where we washed lithics & sherds using toothbrushes using little tubs that sat between 2 people on the bench. Usually Alex would plug in his ipod to the speakers so we’de have some tunes to listen to but tonight it was Patricks turn. While the music played, we all played “the name game” where each person would write down the name of some sort of famous person,occupation or historical figure, write it down on a piece of paper then place the paper on another persons forehead (usually tucked under our headlamps) so they cant see the name but everyone else can. The person would then proceed to ask a series of questions & try to guess who they are.  Me being the sex deprived frustrated cat on the prowl wrote down “porn star.” While playing the game Dr Chase comes into the lab, checking out the names on peoples heads & laughs at the one I put on poor Marc. Everyone loved it.

9pm comes & lab ends, its lights out!

Feb 4, 2011

The hike to the site is becoming less painful on my legs which is a good thing. We had a very light misty rain fall while digging, it felt amazing & refreshing! On my excavation , I had 2 local men helping do the labor work. Carlos & Sergio. Very nice guys who know a lot about identifying artifacts. Mostly today I helped dig using my trusty ol trowel. We heard some mortar rounds being fired not too far from where we were. The British Forces were doing some of their training nearby. Its pretty surreal to be trekking through the jungle carrying a machete with the sounds of warfare all around you. Makes you feel like a badass. 

Today we basically found the typical sherds, lithics but also found a metate fragment. I’m very much enjoying life here, sure we have a set routine, but its still unpredictable. Sure you know at 7am youre going out to the jungle but you never know what will happen. Will we come across a poisonous snake? Will we or someone else uncover an amazing artifact? everyday was a new adventure.
I also love how it isnt complex here. How we live in the barest of living standards. Our shelter is a hut made of palm branches, wood, screen & some nails, our showers are tarp w/ wood posts, our water is from the rain, the food is pure not processed. Life in the states is very complicated & way over stressed than it has to be.
I think we in the states have become slaves to a broken corrupt system that has brainwashed us into believing happiness is found by buying things. Not to mention dismantling the family unit via media manipulation. These things, the illusion we live in in America, becomes more clearer the longer I stay here. If more americans knew just how much freedom they infact DONT have anymore….well, ide hate to think what some people would do.  Truth is america isnt free, we arent the same nation that our principles were founded upon. Corruption, greed, immorality are a plague that is tearing us apart as a nation. The people here in Belize, work so hard & though arent “wealthy” are very happy people who have a strong sense of community & helping each other out. Not that all of them are like that, there are good apples & bad ones in every group, but their culture in general is quite different than ours.
Im rambling, just got in from lab, time to go to bed.
Feb 5 2011

It rained all day so we didnt get much work done. A deadly snake was killed along our hiking path. Dr Chase killed it which is funny because as he quotes just like Indiana Jones ” I hate snakes” lol. He has a fear of them but killed the jumping viper for us. The Chases really look out for us & get “overly” concerned much like youd expect of a parent.

I went around a bit taking some pictures in the A group.Nothing much today, the rain left us in our huts. We had a meeting before dinner which consisted of each of us briefly discussing our excavation which took about 5 mins, then we’de pop open the rum & have a really strong drink (nothing really to mix with it.) 25 mins later, we all would head to the kitchen area for dinner laughing, tipsy all the way.

After dinner, we watched a movie called “Red” in the kitchen using a sheet as the screen & Dr Chases projector. We had popcorn as well so it felt like being in an outdoor theater. The movie was pretty good & afterwards we all grabbed our bottles of alcohol & headed out to Caana.
This was about 9pm & Canna was about a 5 min walk down the trail. This was my first night at the party spot & let me tell you, to stand 120ft above the jungles canopy at night, seeing the shadows of the mountains with no lights for hundreds of miles then you look up & see 10’s of thousands of stars, your jaw drops & youre struck with awe with a surreal feeling & you ask yourself “Am I really here?”

I remember laying back to see the whole sky & counted 20 shooting stars in about 10 mins. I never seen so many shooting stars in my whole lifetime!! The music played, the drinks were plenty! People were dancing & doing their thing. It was amazing in every sense of the word. To behold such a view, the feeling there, the energy was peaceful, calming, just overall bliss. I wasnt scared or afraid of anything. Not once did i get a dreadful feeling despite being in thick dark  jungle. It felt almost magical. I mean to see such a feat of man, this emmense beautiful structure sitting in the midst of nature, it gives you a feeling of wonder. I cant explain the feeling. Just as Morine said “No one will understand this, no matter how you describe it. Only those who been here at night know what youre talking about.” Very true! I was almost brought to tears because of the beauty & the energy. I dont know if the ancients were also attracted to this energy or if they were the ones to leave the energy here. I do know there is a lot of quartz deposits here & have heard that they have an effect on the brain in some sort of magnetic waves or something. I’ll have to look it up when I get home. I love this night!! I dont want it to end =) Im truly, utterly happy =)

March 30, 2011

Caracol pt 2

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stormy @ 4:23 pm

Feb 2, 2011 Day 2- The hunt begins

I woke up to an amazing assortment of breakfast food. Fresh fluffly tortillas, scrambled eggs, bean dip, bacon & goat milk cheese. We took a tour of the entire excavated site of Caracol, the tour the tourists get basically (A group, Ceiba trees, Caana, Central & South acropolis, Barrio.) Once our tour was complete, we got our excavation assignments. I started in the NW housemound group excavating with Rachel. We dug a few inches just below the humis layer & found the common sherd & lithics but hopefully as we get deeper we’ll find some sweet shit! (thats what she said)

We trekked back to camp round 3:45pm to hit the showers before dinner. I grabbed my shower bag that had been soaking up the sun all day, took it to the stall & hung it on the pole. I timidly undressed in the huge open stall with the open wide world all around me. I looked around ensuring no one could see me, & proceeded to shower. The warm droplets of water hitting my skin followed by the cool breeze quickly cooling me felt amazing. I look up & saw flocks of green parrots fly over followed by some other birds. It made me feel closer to nature. Out there in the jungle, naked, primitive, warm water & birds all around. True bliss! I felt so connected to nature.

Upon finishing my shower I realized I still had an hour before dinner so I set out to the AGroup to get pics of the structures & to trouser snake hunt/recon. I heard the British Special forces train in the same jungles & pay visit to our site in the evenings sometimes, so I figured, why not? :twisted: :twisted:

Excited to explore the structures & find some trouser snakes, I climbed str. A2 which is the tallest str. in the Agroup. I sat up there took pics & about 5 mins later, sure enough the snakes came out! Not 1 or 2 but but 5 soldiars checking out the Temple of the Wooden lintel directly across from me! I took some pics but calculated that by the time I climbed down, they would be gone. Sure enough, my calculations were correct. Meh, theres always tomorrow. Went back to camp frustrated but hung out with my fellow students & played phase 10, before hitting the sack utterly frustrated.

My Work in Caracol, Belize

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stormy @ 4:16 pm
Feb 1, 2011 :D

My adventure began when I reached Houston airport for a connection flight. My archaeologist co horts & I nearly missed our connecting flight to Belize due to a delay in our Orlndo flight so when we arrived to Houston, we had to run through the airport to get to the gate. We ran w/ all our might, dodging, ducking, weaving our way through people like pro football players. When we reached our gate voice came over the intercom announcing that our flight had switched terminals so we had to run back to where we came from. Thankfully, we made final boarding. Literally as soon as I took my seat, we headed off.
Now this is where the adventure begins!!

Upon arriving in Belize City, we all made a stop into the liquor store to stock up knowing that there wont be liquor in the middle of the jungles. I grabbed a few bottles of Savingion while others bought arm fulls of whiskey, rum, & tequila. We then went upstaires to meet Dr. Chase & while we waited for the rest of the group to arrive, we all had cheeseburgers & fries to eat.

Once the group arrived, we piled into Chases’s van & another truck. I rode with Chase because of rumors he is a fast driver & gets to the site in record time. We drove through about 60 mi of poverished neighborhoods, people walking alongside the road, rickety school houses, run down stores much like what you see in movies. It was an interesting feeling seeing how people live. I felt helpless like I wish I could help them but my attitude would later change after emmersing myself with the people & saw how happy they were. I realized that we Americans are miserable because we are now slaves to a broken system. We both individual & as a nation are in such debt that we will continue to be slaves for generations to come. Add to this our conditioning into a society that brainwashes us into desiring the accumulation of things which in turn has caused us to loose sight of the most fundamental roots of our being, our values, our community & brotherhood. People kill each other for an ipod, or ps3. Greed, desire, lust have all but poisoned the family unit; the backbone of our nation. In any case, I reflect more & more upon this as my story continues……

Soon the towns gave way to the sparcely populated countryside & mountainous terrain. The trail heading up the mountaines was dense & tretcherous sort of like a rally car racetrack. But that didnt deter Dr. Chase from driving 60mph round blind sharp turns, bumps, narrow weaving trails that sometimes became narrow bridges. Not the bridges you think of when in the states,just a strip of dirt or pavement just wide enough for a car. Though he drove fast, I could easily tell he knew what he was doing. There is a big difference between people who can drive & those who think they can!

About another 60 miles later, we were getting close to the site of Caracol. The view is breathtaking! The mountains are so majestic covered in emerald green foliage. We traverse many miles of thick jungle but then suddenly something so random. It was Caana! Such an impressive, massive & intimidating structure demanding the utmost respect. As we traversed deeper, some more structures came to view. Its amazing how you’re in the middle of nowhere then suddenly you come across these collosal manmade structures. I quickly took out my camera & took some pictures but was disappointed realizing that the pictures didn’t capture the presence these temples convey.

We got to camp & I hurridly set up my bed & bug net in my hut & headed over to the “A” group structures that stood about 100 yards from my hut. I explored them all, climbing up every step, even the non steps, I climbed! I wanted to see it all from every vantage point. I wanted see every nook & cranny. I then stood in the “A”group courtyard standing in awe looking in every direction seeing one mammoth temple after another. Its such a surreal almost magical feeling. A sense of excitement & adventure shoots through me like a jolt of electricity, such a rush of adrenelin that I find myself energized but dont know what to do! I felt like an 8 yr old in a toystore.

I head back to camp since dinner was about to start. The campsite itself is setup pretty nice. I share a hut with another woman, so there is plenty of room for both of us.
The wildlife is quite unique. I lost count of how many different birds I can hear. The howler monkeys make this very loud growling noise that reminds me of a dinosaur or kingkong. You have to be alert & observant because there is wildlife everywhere. I stumbled cross a huge bee hive at the temple of the wooden lintel. The huts have wasps,scorpians,spiders, lizards& some strange glowy bugs. This type of work isnt for everyone! I just live in harmony with the wildlife, except the scorpians, & deadly critters, those must die!

There is an area for showers (6 stalls) they are just slabs of concrete with tarp as the walls & we use camp shower bags to shower with. The bathrooms arent of the finest luxury, just a deep hole in the ground with a wooden bench build over it with a toilet seat. Only the finest ammenities here!

Dinner time! I was worried the food wouldnt be good here but we had rice,beans,tortillas & seasoned beef which actuallly was really good!
My first night here was scary. I wasnt used to the noises & there were some strange moving lights in the sky. I learned to keep my mp3 player on & keep my head in my sleeping bag!

_________________end part 1

January 22, 2011

Personal Journal

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stormy @ 9:06 pm

Command your inner world. Your senses & mind trick & deceive you. When you search within, you find a new dimension. One that has no limits or constraints.

Search w/in using your eyes of truth. Loosen the chains. Our mind puts up walls limiting what we believe is achievable. It takes courage to let go of all chains that bind your mind to limited thinking.

The greatest lie of all is that we’re taught to be limited to our senses. That if something isn’t observable, tangible then it doesn’t exist or it isn’t possible. The biggest illusion of all is that peace & happiness can be bought. To find true peace & joy you have to break free from this limited thinking pattern.

When you open up, the walls come crumbling down & a new world begins. A world of limitless potential. Like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. When you’re ready to transform & move on from the way of life you been living. It takes much courage to take that step out of your comfort. Like the butterfly has only known the life of a caterpillar in its old life, but now it has to take flight & change course as do we sometimes.

Your life maybe crashing in front of you, beyond your control, but I assure you it isn’t the end, no, infact it’s the beginning of something new, something greater. Trust yourself & that fire, that instinct that burns w/in. It will lead you to something better. This doesn’t mean you wont face trials, it means you’re not the victim to the pain & suffering they bring but rather the victor! Your attitude makes your own peace or your own misery.

Focus your energy towards betterment, towards helping others. Let your motivations be not of greed or superficiality, but of substance, of genuine character.

I know this seems repetitive to what I always ramble on about, but I do this to let my feelings, thoughts to flow through me into a visual form that serve as reminders to what I was thinking & feeling in the moment. I like to see where I been & how I got to where I am. So pardon this if it seems cheesy. Im just a very expressive & reflective person. I like to dig deep down & practice my spiritual path.

January 21, 2011

Personal Transformation

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stormy @ 12:47 am

Taking a look at negativity. My early/mid 20’s were spent being around a very neg. person infact, being that I lacked the strength I have today, I fell right into the persons misery. The neg. defeated attitude, the neg. outlook on life. I didn’t even realize I had fallen…not for many yrs. It took 7 yrs when an event happened that at the time was hurtful, BUT looking back, it was a blessing.

    That event motivated me, it reawakened ME to who I truly am. I regained that spark in my eyes. It wsnt until the last 7 months that I really got strong enough to not allow neg. to penetrate. Negativity is a poison, it seeps to every core of your being if you allow it. For yrs. It coursed through me but now, …nothing but peace, joy, love, lighthearted. The weight is gone. I had to cause my whole life to change, I had to pick up & make things new…everything!! & after being victim to neg., for a long time & developing comfort in that life, I can now step out of the comfort. I have courage now.

     How did I do all this? How can a person find peace amidst chaos?? Firstly…. Its essential 2b self aware ”know thyself” from this, u can better understand others. The best knowledge I acquired didn’t come from my education in psychology, no, it came from introspection./reflection & observation. Things the textbook doesn’t really teach. This is one reason why I left the field of psychology; too many cold, hard nosed douche bags who are supposed 2b scientists yet they limit their mind to what is observable/measurable.

      In any case…. Self awareness allows one 2b more compassionate, confident, courageous, & loving. The key is digging deep down inside to find urself & not defining yourself through things, or status (job, race, title..) when you do this, you are unbinding yourself on a subconscious level (everything that is subconscious manifests in some form on the conscious level thus important to restructure yourself on the deeper level first.) When you define yourself by the job you do, social status, race, or some other title, you are limiting yourself & herein lies the problem. You must learn that there are no limits to human potential. That no ONE being is above another.

    Rid yourself of ego.(This doesn’t mean you cant be confident in yourself.) When you know yourself you can then work on weakness is character. I for one lack patience.. Being self aware tells me this when im in a situation that tests my patience such as traffic….oh traffic! But im working on it. I trust that life is an infinite series of interconnectedness (not random, but has purpose) the things tht happen to us, the people we meet, its all for a reason. Remembering this helps me when im faced w/ impatience. Everything will come to be in their own time, when its just right.

    The key to happiness is basically reprogramming what we have been conditioned into & relearning that it isn’t the things we own that define our character. Its our actions, our attitudes, how we treat others, how we treat ourselves, our motivations. When we live a life in doing proactive things, treating others w/ love & respect, treating ourselves w/value, when our motivations arent to harm or use other people in some way , when we break free from the greed we are conditioned into, peace & joy will take root & you will blossom.

     Your eyes & your face cannot lie. You can tell when a person has neg. defeated roots. Their eyes loose that spark. They don’t blossom but wither. Everything is balance. Negative things do serve a valuble purpose. They strengthen us but at the same time we have to be cautious in not giving it power to overcome us. The only power evil has over you is the power you give it. You can choose to be consumed by it, in anger, fear, spitefulness, greed OR allow it to press you higher.

    This is the difference between the whole “hero/villain” senario. Both undergo some form of suffering or loss, but one chooses to not be controlled by those neg. feelings. At this point in my life I think the meaning of life is to be at peace w/urself & w/ others. To walk in faith knowing there is meaning & interconnectedness. Nothing is random.

January 15, 2011

The Void

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stormy @ 2:33 pm

We all have a void within us. Some choose to fill it w/fleeting fixes of alcohol, drugs, shopping, etc. They give the person a moment of fullfillment but after the effects of the “fix” that person feels worse thus resorting to indulging more. Thus creating a pattern of destructive behavior.

This is the pattern I see becoming more prevalent in todays society. A society of lust & of greed. Most of us didn’t have to work hard to get what we want in comparison to the early yrs of our nations history go when people worked & labored all day long just to survive.

Back in those days most people filled that void w/ some form of belief. That void/emptiness cannot be filled by the tangible fleeting things we’re fooled into thinking have meaning.

Its all wrong! That void is to be filled w/ a spiritual basis. It doesn’t have to be religious(whole other topic!) but to be filled with a spiritual foundation, to let go of what the eyes see & search deep within & trust that “Feeling” this is how peace in life can be found.

You will not find peace when you search for it in “things” you find it when you conquer yourself, become self-aware, accept life & all its glories & shortcomings. Live in brotherhood w/ fellow man & wildlife. Show love, tenderness, affection, compassion yet be fierce when facing a new challenge. Don’t let the challenge conquer you! I f you can successfully conquer yourself, you can conquer anything because you r ur own worst enemy.

It is the simple things in life that leave an everlasting mark on a person. A smile, a hug, a compliment. These things make us feel good, they lift our spirits they give us the fuel we need to soar high cross the heavens.

Im concerned of todays society so consumed by the pull of consumerism. Kids bullying kids yet all the while r spoiled rotten yet wanting more. I believe in good ol fashioned values. I remember having chores & opportunities to earn allowance. You did what was asked of you & that was it! It wasn’t harsh or cold at all. I learned many values that way!
Put your heart into everything you do! Have passion, let it flow like a mighty river. Take every opportunity, even if it looks unlikely, go for it! Have the right attitude. This is key!

Attitude is everything. You may have gone through some tough times, but its no excuse to let it keep you down. Remember it isn’t the falling down, but the getting up & moving on that builds character & makes you strong.

If you live a defeated, self loathing, pessimistic life, well that’s what ur gonna live. This is why its imperative to have a more positive, courageous, conquering attitude!! By deciding to pick yourself up after a rough patch in your life, youre on the path to victory. We all face tribulations, no is exempt but if we rise up & not let the doubt, fear, anxiety,depression, creep in but instead say “You will not have victory over me!” you indeed will begin to feel a joy a peace w/in yourself. That void will cease to be.

The missing piece my friends, is in you. When you unlock this knowledge, that void will cease to be. Not to say you wont have trials, you wont ever feel this means you have the power inside you to overcome it. =)

December 21, 2010


Filed under: Uncategorized — Stormy @ 1:16 pm

The root of suffering is within ourselves. Its our outlook on life. We get stuck in repetitious patterns & condition our mind to act or react in a negative way. We need to reprogram our minds & think more positive.

When we get irritated, impatient, question why things are happening, we focus our energy on the neg. we commit our precious time & energy in worry & anger which causes suffering.

We are like river rocks in that through time, the flow of the mighty river molds us & changes us. It is often the adversity we face that molds who we are. The pain and struggles that come into our lives serve as reminders of just who we are & strengthen or destroy us. We never know just how strong we are until we are faced with a new challenge that tests how much we have grown. Face adversity with tenacity, don’t let suffering take root. If you get knocked down, get right back up. Character is forged by the scars they bear yet still press forward.

You create your own prison or your own joy

I reflect on the beauty of this world, how pure, pristine it is with its

oceans, waterfalls, jungles, desserts, mountains, the animals…

I think we humans have mostly lost that connection to nature by being

so distracted by “things” we seek pleasure in fleeting fix after fleeting fix.

Many people think of what they have lost and focus on the negative feelings that come with losing something. but I tell you, always remember and focus on what you DO have. Always seek the light, always stay in the light, overpower the darkness that seeks to suck your energy.

Conquer the darkness with light and goodness. Let the truth shine let goodness prevail and indeed darkness will flee from you leaving you to soak in the warmth of peace. A peace not found in the superficial, tangible world.

There is so much indescribable beauty all around. We get caught up in work that we often overlook what I truly believe we should be focusing on. I cannot stress enough how observing stuff like this I feel truly at home, at peace. NO evil, no deceit, no greed, just truth, perfection.

To see the world as a bird. to be free. no restrictions. To glide

across the heavens unrestricted. To soar above the clouds and look down upon the beauty of the world. the beauty and innocence.

You want to know the meaning of life? Look around you.

So pristine and perfectly balanced. Everything significant but we built up a world, a culture of insignificance.

October 26, 2010

Rant Rant Rant

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stormy @ 9:03 pm

This post is a sounding board. I will use this post for my rantings:

     I cant understand these news segments where they teach us how to dress like a celeb. The hell? Really? Who the fvck cares! I mean really why the hell would you want to dress like a douche first of all. Secondly, think for yourself! Why let the media and the almighty celebrities dictate or even influence what you wear?

I swear its sh*t like this that really gets under my skin. “Oh let me wear a potatoe sack with snow boots & huge sunglasses because the Olsen twins do.”

 do you know what a mindless douche you sound like? If I want to buy some cheap $10 pair of jeans then I will! Im not going to listen to some fashionista tell me to buy parachute pants with neon color paint splats on it that are not only hideous but cost $500

I like to wear boots. I don’t wear them because some Hollywood tart says they’re sooooo stylish.

I will wear what I want ,when I want, & buy them from wherever I want for the price I want to pay. I will wear my jeans, tees & boots & still be slammin’ & guess what? I didn’t have to fork out thousands of dollars.

I swear these people need to get their heads out of their a$$’ work a job making minimum wage & tell me just how important some $2k dollar handbag is after that? Douche bags! Lol

Wow that feels good!

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