It’s been a good while since I’ve posted here. I’ve had a very busy summer. Lots to do with the boys, some day trips, summer school and camp. Our family vacation was in Vermont, which was a balm not only to the body, but to the soul.
It’s been very hard to write. I feel like I’ve said what I’ve needed to say on the one hand and on the other, I’m busy doing. It’s been a time of putting my study, training, and practice to the test. Living it more than talking about it. For a long time it was very easy to be introspective about things, writing and talking about things. Now, it’s much harder. My typical day is both the same and very different from before. There’s much more behind the words “I woke up, got the boys ready and off to school, cleaned the house, and ran errands. Then the boys came home from school and I took time to talk about the day with them, fix snacks and supervise homework, make dinner and have a peaceful oasis for my husband to come home to after work.” There’s a sense of going with the flow, of a deep current of peace underneath things. Yet, I’ve had my share of challenges too. My little guy has been taken off a medication that was causing tardive dyskinesia. Fortunately, his tics and mannerisms have just about disappeared completely, so the damage wasn’t permanent, which it too often is when someone is on medication for a long time. I’d say seven years is a long time. We eliminated the side effect, but exchanged it for disrupted sleep patterns where my son would begin his (and everyone else’s day) at 2:oo am two or three times a week. Also he’s become much more aggressive towards others and his impulsivity and self-injurious behavior has increased. So now we’re trying to find what will work so that he can get back to learning at school instead of spending the day managing and dealing with challenging behavior there and at home. I would really like to not feel like I have to constantly worry about my son’s safety because of head-banging (he’s smashed a window before) or cuts from scratching (yes, I trim his nails, but when there’s a will, there’s a way to still scratch). Needless to say, I’ve been a far more regular and frequent visitor to school so far this year. Meanwhile, there’s my elder son to consider, work with, play with and care for as well.
On top of this, I’ve returned to the workforce, in a part-time support position at a local school. So any “free time” I’ve had is far, far less these days. I will say this, though. All the study, training, and practice I’ve done as part of my work in this community has paid off in spades and has really made a positive difference in my life and in the lives of those I’m part of every day. I don’t do big heroic stuff – just little, day-to-day, regular life stuff. Since I see my call as a call to serve and guide, that’s just what I do. Every day. Right now, that’s more than enough for me. That’s why I’ve been so quiet lately. I’m just in a doing place, rather than a “talk about it” place.