Master Edge's Portal

Ying: Could we say this is an emotion? It seems to me this arises from beyond the mind…

David: Such a tantalizing concept that one could have no possible way of knowing.
Is it so hard to believe that the mind is that encompassing?

Ying: Of course, the mind is very encompassing, but not in the context I was using it. Here, I only meant thought and emotion, and emotion arising from thought or unconscious conditioning. To me, that doesn’t encompass the arising of inner peace or calm from a space of “no-thought”, though, if it does for you please let me in on how.

David: I’m sure your training with Master Raven will eventually cover such esoterics. However, I reached it through trance, more precisely lucid dreaming.

[flashback]
I floated in an amniotic void. There were no directions and everything was solid black. I could see myself, my body, suspended in nothingness. Of note, a pervading silence made all experiences of what I had until that point called no-mind seem like white noise turned to full volume. To my side appeared a 4 inch tv screen in which an ongoing dream was being presented. To look at the screen was to hear the contents; to look away made all fall silent. I eventually entered into the dream, but the void has intrigued me since. In that place I still am, have never left, and will return when I die.
[/flashback]

The above example is working with firewalls, but it can be done on a global level within one’s self. Good luck remembering it though.

Ying: I see O.O

To every seeker of lofty ideals, for those that hold a philosophy which embraces betterment, and especially those motivated enough to promulgate those said ideals and philosophies, there is a self-defeating desire. I call this desire self-defeating because at the base of every motivation lies an inadequacy, weakness, or unmet challenge. A warning is necessary because there is a damage done by stopping to analyze what is instead of the continued push forward toward what should be. This blog entry is one such pause, and the reasons why is only a pause.

There have been times I sat and held my phone in contemplation. I lie to myself in the idea that two phone calls, one to Derek and the other to Justin would end the pressure. I could walk away and disappear into the shadows. It would solve the issue that I’m not living up to what I should be by removing the expectations away from the public eye, but not mine. Even when I don’t see the problem to be solved it still exists, as do the questions I don’t think to ask. So, running away isn’t an option; my understanding prohibits this.

I remind myself that my focus is not to sway what others think of me, but to train, walk the path of Ashla, resolve my inner conflicts and shape my outer form – one way or another, and to help a few people along the way. So this idea of external pressure is nonsense when what is really being focused on here is my relationship with myself. With this realization, I equalize the playing field.

Immediate relief can be had in the miracle pill of acceptance. I could stop here because I’m the only one I have to prove myself to, and I’m very good at believing my BS. But no, all the cotton in my cabinet couldn’t pad my ears from hearing the call to adventure, the desire to improve life conditions, and in some way leave my mark upon this world. This drive is one of life longing to be lived. And having remembered all of this – that is where I leave you, to go out and salvage this day. I must live.

Hypocrisy is to be treasured because it is known, a focus, and thus in workable condition. Be shameful if you have none because your hypocracy is hidden from you and is thus unworkable.

There are insights which instruct reality to be perfect. These do not negate flaws into illusions, but tell us even perfect beings can improve.

Never confuse the merit and teacher. The merit is the instructor while the teacher is a messenger. Seek the former for yourself as you see it, with help from the experienced peer.

Never confuse your merit and self. To do so is to fall by forgetting your hypocrisy. Instruct others to achieve their goals, not yours. Be ready to undermine your values for others sake.

When your hypocrisy knows no bounds, you have infinite learning potential.

Note: There are no records prior to November 25, 2010.

November 27, 2010 No event worth mentioning.

November 26, 2010 I saw a 12 foot tall bronze statue of a man wearing a four sided mitre. He stood smiling, bowed so that the tip of his hat dipped below my eye level, raised, then nodded as if agreement with me. Then, another man’s face. He wasn’t happy and opened his mouth wide and stuck his tongue out forcibly as a cat does while yawning. His face crystallized into that of a gargoyle. A doorway appeared in the distance. I flew to it and peered in. Flames! It was an ocean of fire. No one was there, nor did it feel creepy or dangerous. It was just an ocean of flames, as far as I could see. After waiting through an hour of blackness, a Mario brothers game appeared. I could control Mario with my thoughts. It had the characters and background themes of the original NES version, but the boards were by my design. After falling in a pit several times, I found my arms, hands, and saw the controller. Upon saving the princess, Mario turned to look at me and held up a sign. Blurry at first, I squinted to make out the little letters. It read, “I remember-  fight without time.” That’s what I was looking for.

November 25, 2010  Upon first lying down in a darkened room, a huge eye filled the vision of mine that were shut tightly. It came closer and closer until the pupil became the black void into which I gazed. A waiting game ensued as hypnagogic hallucinations flashed before me. I saw a small boat pull into a dock as several people walked out to greet the new arrivals. There was a storefront veiw of a building. In huge red letters it read, “Big-Box Store”. Then,  there was a pillow laying on an otherwise made bed. The pillowcase was virgin linen; it still had rectangular crease marks from being packaged. By this time, a storm front had moved in. The family basset hound fearfully scratching at the door alerted me to the rain outside my window. All operations were aborted as I tend to leave my body when bored, which isn’t good to do near lightning. The rest of the night was spent in turmbidity on account my lying position. (turmoil + limbo = turmbo; thus turmbidity is the state thereof.)

May 16, 2011 There was a train, open to the air, and the occupants reminisced childhood stories. It passed by a field where there stood many bison. A narrator spoke of a downed calf near-by and explained that if discovered we would be blamed and chased. One bull did look upon us and charged. My eyes having trouble telescoped across the pasture to see his nostrils flare in anger as he came toward me. I floated several feet above a barb wire fence which he did trample in fury. Later he was shot for a feast. Again on the train there was rumor of some sorcerer afoot. With unexplained urgency I was swept away to the back yard of an old friend where I swung a weapon to protect me and the female cohort. There were several flashes of energy from the center of the circle and danger had been avoided. I awoke with the name Perdurabo fresh upon my mind.

8-14-2011 Within an hour of lying down I found myself looking at the wall with complete lucidity. My eyes were closed yet I could still see the doorway of my bedroom. I decided to have a look around. And, with the usual sinking feeling as if I’m being unplugged and pull, I was standing in the hall. I floated to where my current living room should be. As I passed through the doorway, it became the bedroom door at a previous house in which I’ve lived two years ago. I was again facing the hallway. It bothered me that I had no intentions of going there and that my point of view was that of being two feet tall. Several attempts of correcting my height were made but failed. I also had great difficulty in moving and managed to slide myself down the hall towards my previous living room. I noted at the time that it felt like being a snake because I was so low to the ground and moving in such a manner. The carpet was the same color as when I moved out. The room was completely empty as if no one lives there now. Whatever had directed my attention there had been satisfied at this sight and I immediately was back in my body. I sat up fully awake.